Here’s a local guy’s perspective (written during the Super Bowl, natch, on an iPhone, no less:)
You’re single again. Take a deep breath. Get your bearings.
And keep your head on your shoulders (unlike St. Valentine, or Mr. Valentine to Non-Christians and skeptics)
Focus on your job, your home, your health and your kids. If they are OK, you’re lucky and you’re going to be fine.
Next, do a self-assessment – have you gotten sloppy, lazy, dull? These are fixable. Get going, now.
Don’t obsess over your divorce or break-up – it’s a cliche and a bore and it’s so over. I did obsess, and I found that my dates were not charmed by self-pity. (Feel superior, go ahead…)
You’ve gotten another chance – a fresh start – you’re older, smarter, a survivor.
But you’re going to be lonely and vulnerable – don’t hit the singles bars or Match.com until you’re ready – maybe you don’t need them right now. When ready, start with a little help from your friends, co-workers, and family – the ones that think you’re terrific. In some ways, it’s just like networking for a job.
Let them know that you’re looking to meet someone – in my experience, women are more helpful here, but you’ll have to ask the guys if they know anyone. And they do.
Connect with strangers, even if it’s just for seconds – look them in the eye, smile at them, talk to them – you need the practice.
And it’s anyone intriguing, go a bit further without batting your eyelashes or waving hi with your tongue.
Take chances on dates that aren’t ideal – be open-minded – they’re not perfect and neither are you.
I’m not talking about dating inmates, the indigent, or the insane here, but people like us, the normal majority.
A favorite story has the actress Debra Winger avoiding a date with then Governor Bob Kerrey.
Her friends are pushing her to do it, but she says, “He’s not my type. He’s conservative. And he has a really big head!” (I really like this part because I too have a pumpkin up there)
Finally, she meets him for dinner.
It doesn’t start well…
“And I looked up and I thought, He looks like a Martian.”
But as she is sitting there, something otherworldly hits her…
“That was the last objective thing I remember, because I fell absolutely head-over-heels in love with him.”
So with Valentine’s Day upon us, what are the odds of “Finding Love” for We, the Single? A 100 to1?
Daunting, but a helluva lot better than the lottery. And don’t forget “Finding Likable” – not so bad.
So you can play scratch off or sit on the couch waiting for your numbers to pop up.
Or take a chance – risk losing your head – and get out there and find your own winners.
— Submitted by “Vintage”